Wednesday, March 07, 2007

He Should Be Jumping on Couches for You

Home alone, and I got the call I haven't gotten in a little while. The M-word call. The call that I usually get from my Mom, who usually pulls a fast one on a lazy Tuesday night right before Gilmore Girls when my guard is down, or on a Friday night when I'm totally wiped out from the week. That call usually goes like this:

Mom: "So I saw Mark XXX's sister tonight. You know, the guy you took to your Assembly Ball." (yes, I was a debutant...a begrudging debutant who got tricked into doing it b/c was told she could wear a big beautiful white dress that she could design).

Me: "That's good, Mom. How is he doing?"

Mom: "Well, I gave his sister your number because she said that Mark is single, and always said such wonderful things about you...! Was that ok?"

Me: "MOM! I'm dating someone! I'm living with that someone!"

Or, the conversation could go like this:

Mom: "I was talking to Grampa today."

Me: "Oh?"

Mom: "Well, Grampa was just wondering if I thought he would still be alive when you got married."

The best so far has been:

Mom: "Kate, have your childbirth people at work (now former work) read anything on how the older a man's things get, the higher the chances of having an autistic child? Don't those things get old?"

Me: " Mom, autistic children are very smart, and are usually very good at playing the piano. I wish I was that good."

Girlfriends know by now, with me, to refrain from these M-word questions. I didn't even notice, until a fellow Mista brought it up on Grays' Thursday night, that they had not "asked me about David" in some time. Even my friend who is usually the most understanding and supportive of my non-answers told me that I evaded the question well, after I had somehow turned it back on all of them.

As you know, my next post is really going to be about my now 5th day on the job for Katie James (and I'm really loving it!). But since I had this call tonight from my very dear Dental Mista in Chicago, who said the most funniest line about "He should be jumping on couches like Tom Cruise for you!!!" when she was wondering why 43 year old David has not asked my little almost 30 year old petunia the M-word, I had to write a post devoted to that line, I loved it so much. PS: My dear Dental Mista is admittingly marriage obsessed. She is very over dating and is really giving guys only 6 months to date her and make up their minds. At least she's direct about it. And PPS: I can't even spell "marriage" right. It's been the most commonly misspelled word in this post, before I spell checked.

So I'll try to create a poll. It's not an ultimatum poll, it's just a poll. Maybe I will create two polls and really get David into trouble. Before I do, let me state the following: I am not the marrying type. I have never daydreamed about a wedding dress. The only wedding dress I ever designed was in my college costuming class and it was big flouncy bloomers topped with a corset. I did think I would get married underneath a huge maple tree in my front yard because its boughs hung over ground, and it could look neat with the two of us coming out from under there with just the preacher man. But the maple tree is dying and thinning out, so the effect isn't quite as strong. Never thought my brother would get married before me, since I'm the first born on all sides, but that's ok. He's been dating his girl for 9 years, so, he's got me topped.

My first and biggest priority was securing myself financially and comfortably, so that I did not have to depend on my man. That plan had me supporting my man the first time I struck it out on my own, but that is not the case this time with David. Anyway, I digress. I had a secret fear I would get divorced because I would get bored in marriage. My palm when I was 14 said that I would either get divorced or almost get married and call it off, only to get married later. The latter happened (well, I'm not married yet, but I almost did one time). I also had a secret knowledge that I would be a single mom like Bette Midler in Beaches, except I would be cooler like Michelle Pheiffer in One Fine Day and more stable. I do have Gerdy, and that has made me feel like a single mom. So, I have shared with you my biggest reservations, and you see why now I have not been waiting around for 3 years to get married (see post on 3 year anniversary). But when you are almost turning 30, and have 3 new gray friends around your ears, I guess a girl gets to thinking. Oh, and my other secret fear is that a wedding ring will make me feel less sexy and more...old. So, there is that. David may feel the same, since he seems to be years younger than 43, but anyway.

So here is a poll. Kind of unrelated and could be its own post, but I'll put it here for now:
David has a friend X. X was not a friend with benefits, but just a friend with uncertainties who could not decide on our dear David. Let's put it this way: as soon as David and I officially started dating, he and X stopped talking. For 3 years. David just went out of town - on our anniversary - by accident b/c we both forgot we were in the actual weekend of our 3 year anniversary - and before going out of town, thought out loud that he might go visit X on the way back from seeing his sister. X was sort of on the way.

PPS: here is a tulip David just surprised me with before he left town:

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Dental Mista said...

histerical!!! and I love that I am the official "dental mista representing Chi-town!!!"....too much!

anyway, good luck with the new job, it was great chatting with you and catching up, good talks like always. I hope your blog doesn't get you into too much trouble with David....:)
but honestly....if it was me.....I would be setting a bomb-fire under that boys ass to get him to make a move.....lucky for David he isn't dating me :)

Kelly said...

KT, I voted on the first one but i just couldn't weigh in on the second. It's a very hard question!

Anyway I will see you tonight and either talk about this or not at your discretion! love kel

Mista said...

Very good answer, Kel, to the second question. Much appreciated!

Anonymous said...

As a man, who has had moments of feeling awkward about using "the M-word," for various reasons both legitimate and illegitimate, I'd probably be weirded out at the idea of opening the subject up to a vote. But perhaps David is more sanguine about these things than I would be, and it's all for charity, right?

But, hey, the no-ring plan has worked great for some power-couples, like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russel, and Oprah and Gail...

Mista said...

Agreed, Anonymous Man. I have almost put this post up before, and pulled it. Not this one, but a similar one. I considered pulling the poll, but decided against it because people seem to like giving me their opinion, and now they can in this manner. One thing I don't like, I'll tell ya, are the opinions 'given' to me. I think this post is mostly in response to that.

Part of why I am with David, a very large part of why I am with David, is because he's pretty much as solid as a rock. Both emotionally and physically ;) . He knows I do things on the blog, but does not read the blog. However, if he read this post, and saw this poll, well, I'm just not sure what he would do. Hopefully not be too mad at me. But sometimes girls apply pressure. And some girls give ultimatums. Believe me, I've been hearing a lot of ultimatum stories lately (and a year ago) - without prompting. I am not one of those girls. I am passive aggressive. And I have a blog.

And for the record, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russle are one of my favorite couples, and Overboard is my favorite movie. One of my favorite lines is from director Julie Taymore, when 5 years ago, she stated that she and her live in boyfriend have been "happily unmarried for 10 years."

Anonymous said...

He doesn't read the blog? How can he resist? There are really three reasons to read a blog: 1) you know the person who is writing it, 2) you might be mentioned in it, or 3) you find it interesting. So for David, he gets the tri-fecta.

I applaud your resistance to the ultimatums. While it makes sense that you would have some kind of goal in mind in a relationship, and could conceiveably have some kind of endpoint you hope your partner also desires, the ultimatum seems like an artificial way to achieve that goal. I've known women who view relationships as contests, with "the M word" as a trophy of sorts, and use ultimatums to prove to their friends that they are wanted and valued. Valuable things are given on their own accord, and not merely provided in repsonse to requests or threats. Or so I believe.

Ah, Overboard. What a classic. Unfortunately, I fear that it played some part in goon boyfriends believing that they just needed to club their girlfriends on the head when she got too bitchy. It's all subtext, Mista. Well, that an a riooff of Taming of the Shrew.

Kelly Ohio said...

Better late than never?

It looks like the M poll is gone, so I missed that one but that's ok because it isn't an easy answer. What works for me may not for you.

I got married at 24, which looking back on it seems very young but we are still going strong almost 11 years later.

This may sound trite, but what are the advantages to getting married? If you two are stable, happy, and don't need the tax break, then why possibly upset things?

Mista said...

Hi Kelly From Ohio,
That was a very nice comment. Yes, the M Poll is gone, because actually people were not voting so much in it, as they were in the other one. So I figured some ethics thing was going on, and I pulled it.

I think I am rooted in your camp. But then I have the But. And the but is all of these girlfriends buzzing around me, asking the same questions and slipping in the same comments. So as a person who has been in a mistaken relationship before and missed obvious signs, I have to step back and try to take a fresh look.

My answer, tho I may not have voted this way, is that some people are slow paced, myself included. Your comment makes perfect sense, and I am so glad you are still going strong! That is great to hear.

I'll have to really think about the advantages. Never wanted money or health insurance to be one of them, so we will see. I will write a list. Good idea.

southern belle said...

Hey lady! I'm late to the party, so I don't think I can vote, but I can sympathize. "M"-words -- both moms and marriage, as well as motorcycles, money (the lack of it) and Melanie Griffith -- give me agita. But anyway, I'm happy you're the recipient of a tulip ('cause tulip = luv), and I feel compelled to let you know that I have a fortune teller fish on my bulletin board, too. We're so cool.

Mista said...

Southern Belle!

Yes, Melanie Griffith and the likes of her throw everything off. Mixed messages galore.

Love that we are in the fortune telling fish club. xoxo