Monday, December 18, 2006

Unmarried Live Togethers Discriminated Against at Christmas

Unmarried Live Togethers are facing more tough times this year, battling through tense family telephone round-robbins. Females are often the hardest hit by such situations, as for some reason, daughters can do more damage than sons. During holiday homecomings, families would prefer the co-ed existence happen off of the family homestead and exist out of site at a hotel or a family farm. In Burton. Where there are murders. See the Burton Blog for more on the false sense of security of serene Amish country (because that is where this Mista will be staying - at the family farm - if co-habitation happens over the holiday).

Bridget Jones didn't have to deal with such situations, as she just didn't live with someone (sorry, Bridget). Director Julie Taymore may have something to say, being that last I checked, she was "happily unmarried for 10 years," which by now would be happily unmarried for 13 years or so. Bridget had to deal with Smug Marrieds at dinner, and while Unmarried Live Togethers consider Joyful New Moms with Adorable (and Growing) Babies and grandparents who think they will die before seeing a marriage.

Fortunately, discrimination seems to stop at the bedroom, as this writer's boyfriend has been invited to attend the great family Men's Luncheon, where men are men and sit around predicting important things like who will win the Super Bowl and what stock NOT to short (some Mista readers will know what unfortunate male family member of mine was advised to short Google without consulting his knowledgeable granddaughter on the matter). They must have needed a strong Sports Authority figure, who in a secret life is actually a sports "color" commentator who colors the game with fun facts like which player was deserted by their father, and which was slighted for the Heisman in 1998, etc. (ok, I made up that Heisman part b/c I don't know any colorful facts and the boy is out rollerblading).

Like common highschoolers, Unmarried Live Togethers are forced to abide by parent's rule if they want to celebrate Christmas under one roof, as opposed to being shipped off to Amish country. Even if they are almost 30 or nearly 43. And like common highschoolers, sneaking around upstairs is an option taken by many. And does anyone ever consider the Grand Pets in all of this? Schlepping back and forth from Amish country to "home."

Maybe we should unionize. That would make Republican fathers really mad (most of whom have such rules in the first place, so I suspect that many of us Unmarried Live Togethers who are facing such discrimination do indeed have Republican fathers, who can join a support group I started for my dad called D.A.D - Dads Against Democrats).

Conclusion? Look for sales of Baileys and vodka to be up this season as polite daughters sweetly drown frustrations in tumblers over ice.

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mw said...

TOTALLY - I always ended up staying at my parents and he at his. You know, unmarried live in are now a bigger part of the pop. than married couples?!?

Too funny. Got my mista kitties! They're so adorable, I can't wait to give them to the cats.

cw said...

First of all, I loved your blog today and yesterday, but today’s really was FANTASTIC. Now, for my very important comment on this situation, which I know about 1st hand since Martha’s rules for any of her houses are as follows: no cohabitation UNLESS you are engaged or married. She’s a good Catholic girl, and she enforced this rule. My first Christmas with Eric involved him sleeping in Stan’s room and his dad sleeping in our guest room-we weren’t living together at the time, but it was no BIG deal. Actually, Eric really enjoyed it because he got to do a lot of late night hangouts with Brig drinking beer and most likely talking sports. Then, when we were living together, we would visit Florida and be in separate rooms. Again, this didn’t really bother me. My time there was about family and not SEX although I did miss the snuggling. All in all, this RULE of Martha’s didn’t really bother me.

She was STRICT, but I respected that particularly knowing I would one day have kids and maybe girls on my own.

Queenie said...

So I have read it all....and my feeling is the same as Courtney's....(sorry Ms.Katie-Head)
I have a tendency to agree that when in as the Romans do.

Our parents are forever going to be our parents, and their silly natural instincts to be parents will never die....not even when we are all married with children of our don't take that away from them, embrace their traditions, and just look at it as a good opportunity for you and David to really miss each other; afterall, fondness makes the heart grow stronger right?

Brooke Biggar said...

Having been through this predicament during many holidays, my advice is to either just stay home or enjoy sleeping alone for a few nights! Or, you could just get married already!!! But everyone has a right to have rules for their own house. Mine is that mother-in-laws have to sleep elsewhere.

Mista said...

love it love it love it.

In the 2.75 years that David and I have been dating, we have always peacefully abided by the Rules. But I feel that as a blogger, I must raise attention. I will also add that all of these Commenters so far are Smug Marrieds. Ok, Queenie is not married yet.

It's funny to see how other siblings take it - some raise giant arguments, some put their preferenes aside for their own couple-dom but want to call and argue on behalf of older siblings, and some usually go with the flow until the flow changes to a seeming lifted Rule, but then goes back aka miscommunication. It's always nice to sleep in my cozy little room and have some piece and quiet already!

But the logic still stands: it does not make sense. No (very) loud protests from me, as I've been through that with a first engagement years ago, and did NOT go over well. Luckily, which is part of why I'm with him, David is a great team player and does whatever, if that's what I want. Usually.

And, Brooke, your Mother-in-Law Rule is great. ;)